every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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