Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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