i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
