3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You're a waste of cheezeits
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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