I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
