What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
