I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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