Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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