forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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