THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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