I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
