I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
