i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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