ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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