Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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