we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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