Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
