I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This baby is an asshole
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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