you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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