I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
