my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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