so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
