Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
