i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
