listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
