Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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