Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
