Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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