my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
