I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
