I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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