Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
