Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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