He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
