Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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