She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
