i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im part way to drunk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
