so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
