hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
