I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
