i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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