Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
