he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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