You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
