I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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