Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
