Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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