you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
