u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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