so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
