i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry about my life...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
