Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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