I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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