Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
