After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
