guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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