So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
