im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
