If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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