Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
