also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
