You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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