Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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