i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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