We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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