Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
