apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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