You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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