I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
