hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
