Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
