No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
