quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
