this beer tastes like vomit already
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
