I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
