I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
