how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
please come you make the beer taste better
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize