People in love make me want to vomit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
