Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
