who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
In America we eat man semen.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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